Just about every time I am with more than one person in my class, the topic of our overwhelming schoolwork comes up. I, personally, am not a fan of those conversations. I usually end up having baby panic attacks that, for the most part, are invisible to others and wind up shutting down. I am not a major planner and try not to look too far ahead into the future which at times comes back and bites me in the tail when I realize I have not even started to think about this assignment until a few days before it is due and come to find out that it will take me way longer than expected to complete. Today one of those conversations came up, and I blocked it out as usual.
I know that by the grace and future plans of God I am in nursing school. It still amazes me how I actually got in. I was not one of the many who busted their butts and freaked out about getting in. I kind of stumbled through my first two years of college. The sad thing is that I still am. Even though I do not put nearly as much effort into school as I should, I still find myself not working on my relationship with God. I have all this time that I do not study and I still can't read my Bible or pray as much as I want to or need to. How lazy! And after all of that, I freak out over school stuff.
This morning I woke up and realized I passed out last night without getting into God's word as I had originally planned. I was going to get off facebook (ugh facebook I cringe) and then cuddle up with Larry my Bible and read some fun stuff from Mark. So after I got back from my clinicals I was going to start on some homework that I have managed to put off several days now but instead my computer decided to restart. Poo... Every time this happens, I have to manually turn it off and on again 3-8 times before it decides to cooperate. Perfect time to get some word in me.
So I read several chapters and came to Matthew 6. The last bit of that chapter talks all about worrying, and if you have trouble with it I suggest you read it. It is pretty good. I normally do not think of myself as a worrier. Like I said, I pretty much shut down and refuse to deal with things before worrying and then I flip out. I concentrate my worry into a very short time and then push through things. After the misery is over I resume life as normal. In all of this, I miss out on God.
Matthew 6:33-34 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
In verses 25-32, Jesus talks about worrying about clothes, food, and places to live. He also talks about life. Honestly, most of the things that I worry about are a lot less important than these, especially less important than life. When I think of life, I think of my body, food, water, air, you know, the basics. But then, when I really think about life, I think about Jesus. Jesus is so much more important than anything else. He gave life. He gave me life. God put me here, got me into nursing school and Jesus bridged that huge gap between me and my maker. That right there is crazy powerful.
So going back to Matthew 6:33-34. I should first run after God, and his heart for my life. Then all of my worries will be taken care of. I should take life as it comes and give it to God, the only one who can really do anything about it. Now all of this is not an excuse for me to be lazy, but as I really run after God, I am believing he will help me with my struggles, big and small, and give me the ability to conquer them in his strength. God is good.
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