I must say that God has a thing for really speaking to me as I speak to others. I will be having conversations with people and listening to things they have been struggling with and then I speak the words I need to hear. It is a little crazy but many times when I have intense God/life conversations with people I am surprised with what comes to mind and out of my mouth.
Just yesterday I was talking with a friend about some things she has been going through and I told her that sometimes God does not give us what we want all of the time and sometimes He does want to bless us like crazy but the thing He wants more than any thing else is our heart. Then and only then when He is our focus and our life's goal is to put Him first and praise Him with everything we do and really dig into the Word to really have an intimate relationship with Him, He surprises us.
Why would God give me things that I would put in front of Him if He is not my focus? It does not make any sense at all. God wants great things for all of us, but first He wants our heart. Not the half heart I give Him most of the time. Not the leftovers. Not the "I'm sorry God for not really reading my Bible today or really praying, but you do know I am tired and I have an early class in the morning and well I won't have any time for you then either. Maybe I can fit you in around lunch, but wait, I have to sit there and talk to some random people in my class. And well after that, you know how much I need to work on that project. Maybe when I get home tomorrow night. Maybe by then I will have some time to spend with you..." How crappy I am. I am really appalled. Sometimes by the time I get home I am so dead tired that I cannot even muster the strength to get up the stairs to change clothes and climb into bed. Why would God give me anything if I cannot even give Him the time of day? Look, I even make this about myself and not about Him.
I have an idea of what I want my life to look like but I have started to look at that more than to look towards God and really spend time with Him. I know I really want a God centered life, but that is not happening all on it's own. I have to make the effort to really spend time in the Word and in prayer and even in just resting in Him. I really need Him more and more every day. There is a huge hole in my heart that I try to fill with plans and ideas and dreams, but the only thing that can fill it is God. Lord, please fill my heart and if you find anything in it that is in the way of me and You, take it away.
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