Life gets pretty crazy pretty fast if you don't stop to rest, rest in God. This life has been a little draining lately and this girl right here has not made it much easier. I want to rush things make life go by a little faster but at the same time I wish I had more time. Living life in the future has not been beneficial. Worrying about tomorrow, about work, about learning, about living, about leaving. Where will I go, what will I do? All I know is I am currently here in Wilmington with an 8-5 job and a life, a here and now life.
I decided to brew some sweet tea (my favorite beverage) today. So I put the kettle on to boil, I get the tea bags ready and the sugar all measured out. The water boils and I have learned to pour the water in my glass pitcher thing slowly so I do not bust out the bottom from the rapid transfer of heat. Come on tea steep, steep! Bags gone, in goes the sugar. Now the real waiting begins. It takes so long for 6 cups of hot sweet tea to cool down. Hm getting late. I better eat, but wait my tea is still hot! Oh well, at least I got ice. So in goes the ice, in goes the tea and the melting begins.
Here I am with this watered down tea that does quench my thirst but does not taste like the warm stuff in the fridge does. It is better than that instant junk, but not as good as the tea that is slowly cooling down in the fridge.
See I know in the back of my mind God does not want me to settle for good things. To decide all on my own what my future will be, where I will go, how I feel like serving God. He will show me his heart in time. I know he will. I get to see bits every so often but I have to be patient for the best stuff. That stuff I can't rush that is totally out of my hands. I can not control God's desires for my life. I have to wait, but not wait like I have been. I can be proactive. Putting my tea in the fridge will get it colder sooner than letting it hang out on the counter. I have to learn to spend my time wiser. Not waste it. I need to spend time with my God my friend, the only one who really knows my future and the only one that can make it the best it can be. Not that okay stuff I can make of it, and if I meddle with it too much it might even resemble that instant yuck some call sweet tea.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Who is the worry wart now?
Just about every time I am with more than one person in my class, the topic of our overwhelming schoolwork comes up. I, personally, am not a fan of those conversations. I usually end up having baby panic attacks that, for the most part, are invisible to others and wind up shutting down. I am not a major planner and try not to look too far ahead into the future which at times comes back and bites me in the tail when I realize I have not even started to think about this assignment until a few days before it is due and come to find out that it will take me way longer than expected to complete. Today one of those conversations came up, and I blocked it out as usual.
I know that by the grace and future plans of God I am in nursing school. It still amazes me how I actually got in. I was not one of the many who busted their butts and freaked out about getting in. I kind of stumbled through my first two years of college. The sad thing is that I still am. Even though I do not put nearly as much effort into school as I should, I still find myself not working on my relationship with God. I have all this time that I do not study and I still can't read my Bible or pray as much as I want to or need to. How lazy! And after all of that, I freak out over school stuff.
This morning I woke up and realized I passed out last night without getting into God's word as I had originally planned. I was going to get off facebook (ugh facebook I cringe) and then cuddle up with Larry my Bible and read some fun stuff from Mark. So after I got back from my clinicals I was going to start on some homework that I have managed to put off several days now but instead my computer decided to restart. Poo... Every time this happens, I have to manually turn it off and on again 3-8 times before it decides to cooperate. Perfect time to get some word in me.
So I read several chapters and came to Matthew 6. The last bit of that chapter talks all about worrying, and if you have trouble with it I suggest you read it. It is pretty good. I normally do not think of myself as a worrier. Like I said, I pretty much shut down and refuse to deal with things before worrying and then I flip out. I concentrate my worry into a very short time and then push through things. After the misery is over I resume life as normal. In all of this, I miss out on God.
Matthew 6:33-34 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
In verses 25-32, Jesus talks about worrying about clothes, food, and places to live. He also talks about life. Honestly, most of the things that I worry about are a lot less important than these, especially less important than life. When I think of life, I think of my body, food, water, air, you know, the basics. But then, when I really think about life, I think about Jesus. Jesus is so much more important than anything else. He gave life. He gave me life. God put me here, got me into nursing school and Jesus bridged that huge gap between me and my maker. That right there is crazy powerful.
So going back to Matthew 6:33-34. I should first run after God, and his heart for my life. Then all of my worries will be taken care of. I should take life as it comes and give it to God, the only one who can really do anything about it. Now all of this is not an excuse for me to be lazy, but as I really run after God, I am believing he will help me with my struggles, big and small, and give me the ability to conquer them in his strength. God is good.
I know that by the grace and future plans of God I am in nursing school. It still amazes me how I actually got in. I was not one of the many who busted their butts and freaked out about getting in. I kind of stumbled through my first two years of college. The sad thing is that I still am. Even though I do not put nearly as much effort into school as I should, I still find myself not working on my relationship with God. I have all this time that I do not study and I still can't read my Bible or pray as much as I want to or need to. How lazy! And after all of that, I freak out over school stuff.
This morning I woke up and realized I passed out last night without getting into God's word as I had originally planned. I was going to get off facebook (ugh facebook I cringe) and then cuddle up with Larry my Bible and read some fun stuff from Mark. So after I got back from my clinicals I was going to start on some homework that I have managed to put off several days now but instead my computer decided to restart. Poo... Every time this happens, I have to manually turn it off and on again 3-8 times before it decides to cooperate. Perfect time to get some word in me.
So I read several chapters and came to Matthew 6. The last bit of that chapter talks all about worrying, and if you have trouble with it I suggest you read it. It is pretty good. I normally do not think of myself as a worrier. Like I said, I pretty much shut down and refuse to deal with things before worrying and then I flip out. I concentrate my worry into a very short time and then push through things. After the misery is over I resume life as normal. In all of this, I miss out on God.
Matthew 6:33-34 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
In verses 25-32, Jesus talks about worrying about clothes, food, and places to live. He also talks about life. Honestly, most of the things that I worry about are a lot less important than these, especially less important than life. When I think of life, I think of my body, food, water, air, you know, the basics. But then, when I really think about life, I think about Jesus. Jesus is so much more important than anything else. He gave life. He gave me life. God put me here, got me into nursing school and Jesus bridged that huge gap between me and my maker. That right there is crazy powerful.
So going back to Matthew 6:33-34. I should first run after God, and his heart for my life. Then all of my worries will be taken care of. I should take life as it comes and give it to God, the only one who can really do anything about it. Now all of this is not an excuse for me to be lazy, but as I really run after God, I am believing he will help me with my struggles, big and small, and give me the ability to conquer them in his strength. God is good.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The long journey ahead
Tonight I was asked what my goals for this year were. That is such a hard thing to answer. With all of my humanly failings I feel there are infinite things I could take as goals for this year. My answer was that I want to run after God to seek His heart for my life. Ideally, I would be able to do this because why wouldn't I want to entrust my life, my future to the one who does know it all. Not only does He know it all, He knows what is best for me. Wow. That is amazing. Not only does God know everything that will happen, He knows all about me and my future. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
This verse has meant a lot to me these last three months or so. Even though I know this, I do not let God navigate my life all of the time. When I take over or start putting my own selfish desires into the plan I have for my life, I get farther away from what God would have for me. When I get farther away from God's heart for my life the more miserable I become. I start pounding like crazy on doors that have been shut and hold on to my selfish desires even tighter. The more I wait to turn my heart in God's direction, the more I have to surrender to Him in the end. By that point, these things have become so entwined with my heart that it causes excruciating pain to rip them away. All that is left is a broken mess.
This verse has meant a lot to me these last three months or so. Even though I know this, I do not let God navigate my life all of the time. When I take over or start putting my own selfish desires into the plan I have for my life, I get farther away from what God would have for me. When I get farther away from God's heart for my life the more miserable I become. I start pounding like crazy on doors that have been shut and hold on to my selfish desires even tighter. The more I wait to turn my heart in God's direction, the more I have to surrender to Him in the end. By that point, these things have become so entwined with my heart that it causes excruciating pain to rip them away. All that is left is a broken mess.
Even though we grow weary from the brokenness and turning and running back to God, His love for us is so great and unfailing that He never leaves. He is always there calling us back to His heart. This year I pray I wander back, not too weary from my journey.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)